The Caddy

This little number was inspired by some banter my wife and I had...don't know how we got on the topic of golf but it had us laughing for a while.


   Tom crouched down, shielded the sun with his hands, and he surveyed the lie. “What do you think?”

   Steve squatted next to Tom. “How about the seven iron?”

   “Funny. But seriously, what do you think?”

   “I think you should use your seven iron.”

   “I’m six feet from the cup. I’m using my putter. I just want to know what you think about this lie.”

   “I know where you are, and I think this particular shot warrants the use of your seven iron.”

   Tom stood up. “Just get me my putter.”

   “What about your three wood?”

   “Are you deaf? Get me my damn putter and quit screwing around!”

   Tom’s partner stood off by the cart. Hearing the commotion, he lowered his phone and looked towards them. Tom took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I see you’re just trying to lighten the mood. But can I have my club now?”

   Steve looked over at Tom’s partner, who gave him a quick wink. He reached into the golf bag and pulled out the seven iron. “Is the the club you wanted?”

   Tom grabbed it from, threw it onto the ground, and pushed Steve aside. “Get out of my way.” He rummaged through his bag, but didn’t find his putter. “Where is it!” he shouted.

   “I lost it. I’m sorry.”

   “What does that mean?”

   “I...I bet the other caddy you would par the last hole, but I didn’t have any money on me, so I gave him your putter.”

   “You gave away one of my clubs?!”

   “Kinda.”

   “You son of a bitch!” Tom chased Steve over to the cart where he grabbed hold of his neck and dragged him to the ground. Steve struggled for breath as Tom lifted up a fist and punched him in the nose.

   With his hand cocked back for another blow, Tom loosen his grip on just enough for Steve to speak. “stop...stop...I didn’t bet...”

   Tom got off and stood up “What do you mean you didn’t bet?”

   “It was a joke...your partner paid me five hundred dollars to mess with you. He said you would get a kick out of it.”

   Tom looked up at his partner. He held his phone up; the camera pointed right at him. “Now, Senator, can we discuss my little piece of legislation?”