Friday, November 4, 2011

Get Out of My Head! #Fridayflash

I thought I would share with you a quick flash inspired by my ability to come out with work similar to @Fear_In_Words at about the same time. As always, I encourage you to let me know what worked and what didn't for you. It's the only way I get better. Oh, and enjoy the music.

Doug Foster stood up on stage in front of the shareholders; I watched through the eyes of another who sat next to the aisle Foster would later walk down. The man was a business genius and could acquire the mineral rights to vast tracts of land seemingly on a whim. And even then, he would run horizontal bores into areas he didn’t have the rights and extract whatever he was after. Once in a while they ran into problems with regulators and paid them off or took the fine. Either way was less expensive than getting the rights. Profits soared and shareholders got rich.
He blathered on about their new fracking methods and assured everybody in the crowd that they were safe. It was partially my fault for believing his engineers when they came to me, but then again the dollar signs they throw in your face look so good until you’re lying in your death bed.  “Doug Foster needs to die.” I whispered
Oh god, get out of my head. Not now, please not now.
He wasn’t going to be easy to win over, but I had worked over my host for months on end up until this point. “You know how many people he has killed, and the good lord only knows how many more if you don’t kill this evil man.”
Don’t you use the Lord’s name you spawn of Satan.
“The only person approaching Satan's level of evil is finishing up his speech. You know what to do. Reach into your pocket and see what I mean.” I smiled as I whispered those words into my host’s ear. put a gun in there? But how?
“I have more power than you can even imagine.”
Then do this yourself.
“I want to see you take care of this. This is your destiny. Kill Doug Foster!”
He threw his hands over his eyes and blocked my view. The room erupted into applause; Foster must have finished. “Get ready! Get ready to kill that bastard!” I shouted as loud as I could. If I had vocal chords, they would have been wrecked. “Kill him before he kills you! This is your chance your only chance. If you don’t listen to me now, I will get somebody else, like your wife or your daughter.”
My host opened up his eyes. You can do that?
“Of course I can. I can get into them as easily as I got into you, and their minds are nowhere near as strong as yours. You have no choice. NOW DO IT!”
Foster made his way down the aisle; he was only a couple steps away. I dove deeper into my host’s head and made him grab the gun.
What are you doing.
“I’m saving your wife and your daughter. If you don’t do this, I will be forced to destroy them.”
The man who killed me and ruined my family was only a couple steps away, within range of the small handgun. My hosted lifted it up. The look on Foster’s face delighted me, tickled me deep inside. I waited for the bang and the splatter of blood, but as soon as the crowds began screaming, my host turned the gun around and put the barrel in his mouth.
Get out of my head!


John Wiswell November 4, 2011 at 1:49 PM  

It'd be nice if the demon turned chicken there. I presume any sort of negative outcome will suit it, though.

Michael A Tate November 4, 2011 at 3:00 PM  


Interesting take on the main character of this being a demon. I was going for more of an angry (and selfish) spirit out for revenge. But then again I guess you could argue that's what a demon is. Thanks for the comment!

Anonymous November 5, 2011 at 7:11 AM  

I'd love to see this expanded with a description of just how destitute the host's family is, as well as a few close-call scenarios where Doug almost gets killed.

Raven Corinn Carluk November 5, 2011 at 1:04 PM  

That ending was great. The build up to everything was well done. I certainly felt the narrator's anger and frustration about being screwed over by corporate greed.

Amberr Meadows November 5, 2011 at 8:20 PM  

One word: Freaky.

But I liked it. Hope you have a great weekend!

Helen November 6, 2011 at 2:06 AM  

Hmm nice twist! I liked how the host turned the tables so to speak on the demon.

I think you built up the tension at the right pace, all the time not letting your reader know what the twist would be.

Good job.

Icy Sedgwick November 6, 2011 at 4:28 AM  

Made me think a little of Fight Club. It's always good to see a twist that you didn't see coming!

One typo - I'm guessing you meant "death bed" and not "death bead" in the second paragraph?

Michael A Tate November 6, 2011 at 10:13 AM  

Jason: Yea, I could see this going to a full length short story.

Raven: I'm glad you liked it and the #OWS mini-theme

Amber: Thanks, and so far the weekend is good!

Helen: I'm glad you thought the pacing worked. I was a little afraid it started just a bit too slow. Thanks.

Icy: Yea, it kinda is looking back at it, and no, that's not a typo...Haven't you ever heard of a death bead?... *looks around all shifty eyed*

Tim VanSant Writes November 6, 2011 at 5:09 PM  

Nice twist.

Shooting is too god for a bastard like Foster though.

Anonymous November 7, 2011 at 7:20 AM  

Love the build up and the ending to this one. Nice work Michael, as always :)

Chuck Allen November 7, 2011 at 8:04 AM  

This was creepy, Michael. The threat about his wife and family really strengthened the tension. Great job on this one.

Peter Newman November 7, 2011 at 2:50 PM  

Interesting to sympathise with the ghost and the host.

And Foster lives to fight another day. Go evil corporate!

FARfetched November 8, 2011 at 1:35 PM  

Nicely played! The innocent host was the one I felt for here — and he took the honorable way out.

DJ Wyatt November 11, 2011 at 10:33 AM  

Very different, I liked the way it unfolded in the end!

Michael A Tate November 16, 2011 at 5:44 PM  

Tim: I'm hopeful that he does get his in this world I've created.

brain: Thank you for your comments!

Chuck: That added tension is straight out of Brooks' "Story Engineering." Great book that helps in all sized stories.

Peter: Sometimes evil corporate just can't be is life. Thanks for checking out my blog.

FAR: Yea, here suicide was the honorable way to go. Thanks!

DJ: I'm glad you liked it. I've always felt that my flash fiction should be for me to experiment and grow, so I try to keep it a bit fringy. Welcome to my blog.

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