Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Caddy

This little number was inspired by some banter my wife and I had...don't know how we got on the topic of golf but it had us laughing for a while.

   Tom crouched down, shielded the sun with his hands, and he surveyed the lie. “What do you think?”

   Steve squatted next to Tom. “How about the seven iron?”
   “Funny. But seriously, what do you think?”
   “I think you should use your seven iron.”
   “I’m six feet from the cup. I’m using my putter. I just want to know what you think about this lie.”
   “I know where you are, and I think this particular shot warrants the use of your seven iron.”
   Tom stood up. “Just get me my putter.”
   “What about your three wood?”
   “Are you deaf? Get me my damn putter and quit screwing around!”
   Tom’s partner stood off by the cart. Hearing the commotion, he lowered his phone and looked towards them. Tom took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I see you’re just trying to lighten the mood. But can I have my club now?”
   Steve looked over at Tom’s partner, who gave him a quick wink. He reached into the golf bag and pulled out the seven iron. “Is the the club you wanted?”
   Tom grabbed it from, threw it onto the ground, and pushed Steve aside. “Get out of my way.” He rummaged through his bag, but didn’t find his putter. “Where is it!” he shouted.
   “I lost it. I’m sorry.”
   “What does that mean?”
   “I...I bet the other caddy you would par the last hole, but I didn’t have any money on me, so I gave him your putter.”
   “You gave away one of my clubs?!”
   “You son of a bitch!” Tom chased Steve over to the cart where he grabbed hold of his neck and dragged him to the ground. Steve struggled for breath as Tom lifted up a fist and punched him in the nose.
   With his hand cocked back for another blow, Tom loosen his grip on just enough for Steve to speak. “stop...stop...I didn’t bet...”
   Tom got off and stood up “What do you mean you didn’t bet?”
   “It was a joke...your partner paid me five hundred dollars to mess with you. He said you would get a kick out of it.”
   Tom looked up at his partner. He held his phone up; the camera pointed right at him. “Now, Senator, can we discuss my little piece of legislation?”


Tim VanSant Writes July 15, 2011 at 12:29 AM  

That's just mean. And I bet the video gets out anyway.

Anonymous July 15, 2011 at 1:02 AM  

Somehow, I can see this actually happening - quite an insightful piece! You've got a strong ear for dialogue and build tension nicely. Poor caddie though. Hope he wasn't too bruised.

AnnMarie July 15, 2011 at 1:40 AM  

LOL! I like the phone camera touch at the end!

Laurita July 15, 2011 at 7:40 AM  

Sneaky. Blackmail sure has a new friend in technology. Bet the caddy isn't impressed though. That was a great ending.

John Wiswell July 15, 2011 at 9:21 AM  

Haha, I love the idea of leading in with "surveying" a lie. Sets everything up well for the duplicity.

Matt Merritt July 15, 2011 at 10:47 AM  

"Law and sausage are two things you do not want to see being made." Funny piece.

Craig Smith July 15, 2011 at 12:05 PM  

Haha! The perfect trap.

Good one Michael!

Sulci Collective July 15, 2011 at 12:40 PM  

wondered where this was going but the ending pulls it together beautifully

marc nash

FARfetched July 15, 2011 at 2:05 PM  

Ha, beautiful! I'm surprised the senator didn't take the seven-iron to one or both of them!

Michael A Tate July 15, 2011 at 2:23 PM  

Tim: Politics is a take no prisoners kinda game...yea I'm sure it does.

dijeratic: Thank you for your comments. Yea, I'm sure somewhere somebody has a video tape of a politician going nuts on a gold course.

AnnMarie: Glad you liked my little twist

Laurita: Good point, and glad you liked it.

John: I'm glad you caught onto my pun there. I always hope somebody catches onto those things. Thanks!

Matt: I'm glad you found it funny, as was the original intent.

Craig: Yes, even better than the bunker on 8.

Marc: Thanks, and glad you liked how it came together.

FAR: But first thing's first. The seven iron would have been taken out on the phone :)

Anonymous July 16, 2011 at 9:38 AM  

Thoroughly entertaining! What a diabolically brilliant setup. Well done!

Anonymous July 16, 2011 at 9:43 AM  

That was so cruel but in an interesting way. I can see that video ending up on youtube and ruining someone's career.

Icy Sedgwick July 16, 2011 at 11:00 AM  

Rupert Murdoch wasn't involved, was he?

Chuck Allen July 16, 2011 at 11:34 AM  

I love golf, hate politics and love your story. It leaves me wondering who's getting the worst end of the deal - the caddie or the constituents?

Helen July 16, 2011 at 8:06 PM  

Oh what a devious partner! I know nothing about golf but this still made be smile.

Michael A Tate July 17, 2011 at 12:22 AM  

Apple: Yea, that takes a certain level of evil.

cookme25: Probably ends up on a cable TV political show first...they'll pay :)

Icy: He will be when he hacks into the phone to get the video.

Chuck: I'll say the caddy. He gets the shaft on the legislation and the beating )

Helen: Yea, I know nothing much about golf either, aside from that you use a putter on the green and you sometimes have a caddy if you've got money. :)

Anonymous July 17, 2011 at 7:23 AM  

Brilliant ending and quite unexpected. I've always been suspicious of people who play golf, esp. in men only clubs. Dirty deals done on the back nine etc. It is an inventive idea. Couple of typos in there which slipped through.

Raven Corinn Carluk July 19, 2011 at 2:55 PM  

Ha! Awesome.

Adam B July 23, 2011 at 1:24 AM  

That was well wikkid. Sneaky and tricksy and false. Brilliant.
Adam B @revhappiness

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