When to End your Paragraph

How and when to end a paragraph is something I don’t often see written about, and honestly I’m not quite sure myself on this topic. Hopefully I will help understand myself, how and why I end a paragraph by the end of this post. But in my opinion, the purpose of a paragraph is to convey a full series of interconnected thoughts. But that is pretty vague…so I’ll need a paragraph or two to fully convey my point.

First I’d like to start out with the word. The most fundamental building block of language is the word. (aside from letters, but they all exist on your keyboard already…words, not so much.) Words make up sentences, which make up paragraphs, which make up chapters, books, trilogies…etc. They express an idea, one simple, single, abstract thought. A word will make the reader picture something in their minds or generate an emotion, all depending on the person. Really though, a single word does not have much power over a general audience without context.

Words are given context in phrases. phrases allow for an entire single thought to be conveyed. That’s it. Just one. You can’t write a phrase that focuses on two different ideas. For instance, to convey the thoughts that Mary has a blue dress and that she goes to school, you need two phrases. (I’m pretty sure. If there is a grammar expert out there that thinks I’m wrong, please correct me.) I know you’re thinking “Mary wore a blue dress to school.” might disprove that point, but the main focus is that she goes to school; blue is just a modifier.

Sentences now, they are made up of phrases. (A sentence can be a single phrase, which can also be a single word, or many.) A sentence contains a full, complete, thought. So “Mary wore a blue dress, and she went to school.” takes the full idea of Mary going to school with a blue dress and packages it into a single unit, making neither the blue dress, or going to school irrelevant. That is what I think a sentence is in a nutshell.

And how here we finally get to the paragraph: it should contain a more complex idea, for instance a description of a room; and you could write a full and rich room description in a single sentence; but doing so over and over again, will tire the reader and make pacing difficult; and this is where the paragraph comes in, taking a really long sentence and allowing you as a writer to break it up into multiples, while still keeping that idea contained in a single vessel.

So now where do you end a paragraph? You end it once you have completed your idea. My rule of thumb, is that if I can’t link the entire paragraph into a single sentence, I need to start a new paragraph. But don’t let this limit you either. There comes a point where you might have a 3 page paragraph, and while there is nothing wrong with that, it will tire your reader. At that point you might want to look at breaking it up. Where you would do that would be up to you, but I would suggest any time you have a good line, or a word that would end it with a lot of power.

And that brings me to my last point. To make your writing more effective, you want to try and end your paragraphs on a good, strong word. If you end your paragraph with a word like ‘this’ or ‘is’, there is not a lot of power. But if you end it in a word, like I did above, that is powerful, it puts a good, strong, stamp on your writing.

So hopefully this helps you, and as always I don’t proclaim to be an expert on grammar. Don’t show a teacher/professor this blog as why you can do something, but I think it’s right.

What do you think is the best place to end a paragraph?

Emulate Television or Movies in your Writing?

I feel that a lot of times, authors will be inspired by movies when they begin writing. And I understand that appeal, since a number of us probably end up watching more movies than we read books. I mean they are less time consuming, can be shared easily with other people, and usually don’t require a lot of imaginative effort. So then we as writers start to imitate what we see on the screen in our writing, we make a huge mistake.

The truth is that while books and movies may share a lot of story structure in the middle and end, the beginning of a novel is more akin to a television show. If you plan on taking story telling hints from the visual stories, then I suggest TV rather than movies. (at least in the beginning).

TV programs compete with 100s of other shows on at the same time as them, and when the break between programs comes on and people start surfing, they need to grab hold of the viewer and can’t let go. They need a compelling hook with an interesting character facing some sort of problem. For instance a ER type show might begin by showing some very unusual and possibly deadly ailment affecting a patient, a cute little 6 year old girl. Yea, everybody want to see if she makes it.

Does that sound familiar? Isn’t that pretty much what every writing tip tells you about your first page? Because just like the TV viewer, a reader browsing a bookstore is surfing through tons of books, all trying to grab their attention. If they happen to look at your book, you have only a couple lines to hook them before they move on, just like in TV.

Contrast this with movies where the viewer has spent the money on the ticket and entered the theater with their popcorn in hand. This gives the movie a chance to slowly bring the viewer into their world. They can have the opening credits scroll by in a fog while they show the setting. Then they can show the main character getting ready for work and doing their daily routine before anything interesting happens. But the only reason they can get away with this is because the viewer has already committed to the work. This just does not happen with books unless you are such a big name that readers pre-commit to you.

So when you write that opening chapter, don’t take us on a journey through the geology of your world and/or start with the character in their ordinary routine. I see that far to often in the fiction that I critique. Give us a compelling character stuck in a problem that we need to know the resolution of. Without that your book will be put back on the shelf or deleted from the editor/agent’s inbox.

Friday Flash: “Duel”

You stare at the man across from you and push your thumb over the safety of your gun. You can see in his eyes the disappointment of not taking you out earlier upon hearing the click. A bead of sweat rolls down your forehead and into your eyebrow; you feel that it will soon drop down into your eye.

The metal of the gun is getting warmer in your hands, and you feel a diamond pattern from the handle, impressing itself into your palm. The trigger slides back as you squeeze your fingers, keeping it right on the threshold between life and death.

Over to your side you see a small group of people lying on the bank’s marble floor. They have their hands on their heads and look at you with large, pleading, eyes. One woman in particular catches your eye. She’s wearing a business suit and looks at you, stares into your eyes with her head cocked to the side. You feel a pain in your stomach as you look at them lying there without any control of their fate. It all rests with you and the other man.

Your attention comes back to the man in front of you. He is shaking ever so slightly. You notice that he too has some sweat running down his face. Streams of moisture wet his cheeks. He glances over to the people on the ground, and you begin thinking. How dare you. Those are my people. You have no right to look at them.

His head snaps back to you and he steadies his gun, pointing it right at your head. You raise yours, close one eye, and stare through the sights. You aim for his forehead; at this range you couldn’t miss. You can smell the remnants of old gun powder and steel emanating from the gun, and the bead of sweat in your eyebrow starts to form a droplet.

“Put down your gun and everybody here goes home safe.” The man says. “That’s what you want right?”

You take a step towards the man.

“Stay back!”

You take another step forward.

“Stay back I said!”

The man turns his eyes to the people lying on the floor. The droplet of sweat drops into your eye and you pull the trigger. Everything is quiet for a moment. The gunshot sounded like it was miles away and everything seems to move in slow motion. You lower your hands and look at the gun, a small wisp of smoke dances out of the barrel.

You over at the man and see him lying on the ground in a pool of blood. You turn towards the woman with the business suit. She is still on the floor. She’s balling.

Authors Notes: Yes this ending was supposed to be frustrating. I don’t know who you were exactly, or the other person. I did that on purpose (Hence the pun in the title). Actually this was a very experimental piece for me and I’ve always wanted to do something in 2nd person. I do think I did a pretty good job with this, but then again I also have a pretty big ego from time to time. Please let me know what you thought, good, bad or indifferent. Thanks.

Game Theroy for Writers part II. “No you go first, I insist.”

With this post I hope to give you another tool for you to demonstrate how intelligent your characters are. As writers, sometimes we are faced with having to write in a genius when we ourselves are not that smart. So how do we create an illusion of genius without having to devise the world’s greatest battle plan or business strategy? I think one tool could again be game theory.

In games, as in life, there are some things that you just naturally don’t want to go first in. One very good example would be rock, paper, scissors. If your opponent throws rock, well you’d be pretty stupid to not throw paper.

But then there are other games where going first has a distinct advantage. A great example of that would be a wild west shootout. If you get to shoot before the other person, then you stand a decent chance (assuming you’re not a horrible shot) of winning.

So now the question is how do we know when to go first (more specifically our game theory savvy genius of a character) and when to defer when the situation is not so obvious.

The answer is lies in the usefulness of information, and the chance of ending the game on the first move. I know this seems very basic, but please stick with me on this. Yes I know rock paper scissors and duels are done simultaneously, but that’s what makes these such clear examples.

So let us delve down into this idea. In the rock paper scissors example, there is a HUGE advantage of going last because 1) You gain the knowledge that allows you to make a winning move and 2) The other person can’t win unless you make a move. So that is pretty simple. Lets look at the shootout game. In that there is a HUGE advantage in going first because 1) You already know the other person is going to shoot at you, so you already know all the the information and 2) You can win without the other person having to make a move.

Now lets do something a little less obvious. Say there are two companies, A and B. They both have a new gadget, (say an mp3 player) that they think will revolutionize the industry. Now they both know that the other is going to release one of these and that there could be some bugs or features people don’t like. So introducing the second model would have the advantage of being better technically. But if you introduce first you can gain a reputation and market share that would dominate your competitors. So what do you do?

Obviously the answer to that is complicated and we would need a lot more information to solve this analytically. But thankfully we don’t have to because we are writers and we can make whatever we want happen. If your main character is the CEO of company A, you can have him choose either strategy, and you can decide if he succeeds or fails. What makes game theory useful is that you can SHOW the CEO thinking and coming up with their strategy in an intelligent manner yourself. Have them wrestle with this idea.

The same goes for a general in a battle. Sure you can make them appear smart by having them win the battle with whatever strategy you choose. But what I think would show their intelligence more would to have them go over these two variables and try to decide what to do.

Smart characters should be shown thinking to get the effect across, same as strong characters should be shown picking up boulders. If you want to demonstrate how physically strong your character is, you show them picking the boulder; you don’t just say the boulder was moved. Same goes with smart characters. You don’t have the smart general just win the battle by surprising the enemy. You show them weighing in these factors and deciding that perhaps we know enough about the enemy where we don’t have to wait first to see what formation they arrange themselves in.

Hope this helps.

Friday Flash: “Empathy”

This is something that I was able to write and put a little editing into. As a side note I’ve realized two things: First, that while in person I’m a very happy-go-lucky guy. I smile a lot, I whistle tunes I made up as I walk through stores, I have conversations with complete strangers. But put me in front of a computer keyboard and I morph into this dark and twisted writer…very strange. Perhaps there is a side of my trying to claw its way out. Second, I need to put pictures on this blog so I did. Anyways, enjoy.

The coffee table was covered in old mail: advertisements, credit applications, and bills hid the wooden veneer surface. Plates littered with old food sat on top of the papers, and fruit flies were making themselves at home. On the corner of the table was an empty ashtray.

Behind the table was a couch where she sat next to him. He was crying again. It seemed like he was always crying.

“Is there anything that I can get you? How about a glass of juice?” He shook his head. She shrugged her shoulders and turned back towards the television where she flipped through the channels. There was really nothing much to watch on a Saturday afternoon.

“I know you were close to her, but come on, you’re gonna to have to get over it at some point. It’s been what, three months?” He shook his head and buried it under the blankets. “Jesus Christ, look outside. It’s beautiful and we’re stuck in here watching…a home re-modeling show. We don’t even own our own place.”

He poked his head out and stared into her eyes. His face was red and the skin around his eyes were puffy and swollen. “You don’t get it do you?”

She leaned over and gave him a hug. “I’m sorry, but you’re right. I just don’t get why this is so hard for you. But I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

“I need you to understand, and I don’t think you do.”

She watched as his breathing turned staccato; his was heaving up and down with each dis-jointed breath. “Ok, take deep breaths. I’m here for you.” She pulled him in tighter. “Take deep breaths.” She could feel him trying to fill his lungs with short, shallow, breaths; but every time he tried, his diaphragm shot up and blasted the air out of his chest, creating a void inside.

“Come on. Big deep breath, ready?” She breathed in slowly, exaggerating the sound of air passing through her lips. He followed her and he began to stabilize.

“There you go. See, doesn’t that feel better.” He nodded his head. “Do you want anything? Perhaps some juice.” He shook his head from side to side.

A week later she was returning home from work; the door to the bathroom was closed and the light on. She put her bag on the table, plopped down on the couch, and turned on the TV, dropping the day’s mail on the coffee table. That’s when she noticed the note.

Honey,

I love you, but I’ve decided to end it…

She took off towards the bathroom and flung open the door. He was lying on the floor in a pool of blood.

Later that year she gathered the strength to read the rest of the note:

…You wanted to help me so badly. You said you would do whatever I wanted you to do. But what I wanted you to do was to understand. I wanted you to say, “Yes, cry. You deserve to cry. Let it all out.” Instead all you seemed able to do was get me juice. I love you, I just wish you could have given me more empathy.

Friday Flash: “Broken Record” Revised

There really wasn’t that much I found here that I really wanted to edit which is pretty odd for me. There were a couple word choices here and there and fixing up of some grammatical things. I probably wouldn’t have bothered even posting this since it’s so much like the original but I promised it last week, so I aim to deliver. Enjoy

Mandy stared at the crack running down the compact disk that sat on her dresser. What does this mean? She looked at her face in the smudged, silver, surface of the disk. Is this how he sees me? She turned it over and ran her fingers across the screen-printed label. It was an album of love standards by her and Jake’s favorite artist.

It was just a week ago that Jake had given this to her on their one year anniversary. It was an event significant not only on the calendar but also marked the occasion of her longest relationship. He gave it to her early that magical evening, and they listened to it on their drive to and from the restaurant. That night she went to bed, looking out of her window at the stars, thanking them for her luck.

Her fingers became rigid as they dropped the disk back onto the dresser. She sat on her bed, staring at it; her body was too stiff to do anything else. What will Jake think? He’ll think I did it on purpose. She looked at her nightstand where her phone lay next to an empty box of tissues. They had talked for two hours last night. What does this mean?

She strained her arm towards her phone then pulled it back. No, I’m not going to talk to him. Not now. I can’t. She again reached out towards the phone. I need to tell him. He deserves to know.

“Hello Jake…Yes I know, I’m sorry about last night too…Well that’s sweet of you.” She smiled as he apologized to her. She didn’t remember what they fought about. “I’m sorry for getting mad at you like that.”

Mandy turned her attention back towards her dresser, and again, her body became rigid. What will he think if he ever finds out? She walked over to the dresser and picked the disk back up, looking at her reflection. The crack split her face down the middle with the smudge blurring her left half.

“You know Jake, I really like you. You’re cute, you’re nice. But I just don’t know if this can work out…Well when you put it like that it sounds bad. I just don’t think we’re right for each other in the long-term…I just think we’re wasting each other’s time if we know it’ll never work…No I don’t care about what you think…Fine then. Goodbye.”

Mandy threw her phone to the other side of the room and laid down on her bed. She held the disk to her body as she curled up into a ball. She squeezed herself tighter to shut out the pain coming from inside her chest.The longest relationship she had ever had was over. At least he doesn’t have to know. At least he’ll never find out. It doesn’t mean anything anymore.

Friday Flash: “Broken Record”

This is my first stab at posting some of my raw work. I think what I’d like to do is post what I come up with for my Friday Flash (fiction between 300 – 1000 words). Now I wrote this today at lunch mainly, so it’s not going to be prefect; but that’s ok! Because next week I’ll post another raw Friday flash, and then revise this one so you can see my process. But until then, enjoy my work.


Mandy stared at the crack running down the compact disk that sat on her dresser. What does this mean? She looked at her face in the smudged, silver, surface of the disk. Is this how he sees me? She turned it over and ran her fingers across the screen-printed label. It was an album of love standards by her and Jake’s favorite artist.

It was just a week ago that Jake had given this to her on their one year anniversary. It was an event significant not only on the calendar but also marked the occasion of her longest relationship. He gave it to her early that evening, and they listened to it on their drive to and from the restaurant. It was a magical evening.

Her fingers were rigid as they dropped the disk back onto the dresser. She sat on her bed, staring at the disk; her body was too stiff to do anything else. What will Jake think? He’ll think I did it on purpose. She looked at her nightstand where her phone lay next to an empty box of tissues. They had talked for two hours last night. What does this mean?

She strained her arm towards her phone then pulled it back. No, I’m not going to talk to him. Not now. I can’t. She again reached out towards the phone. I need to tell him. He deserves to know.

“Hello Jake…Yes I know, I’m sorry about last night too…Well that’s sweet of you.” She smiled as he apologized to her. She didn’t remember what they fought about. “I’m sorry for getting mad at you like that.”

Mandy turned her attention back towards her dresser, and again her body became rigid. What will he think if he ever finds out? She walked over to the dresser and picked the disk back up, looking at her reflection again.

“You know Jake, I really like you. You’re cute, you’re nice. But I just don’t know if this can work out…Well when you put it like that it sounds bad. I just don’t think we’re right for each other in the long-term…I just think we’re wasting each other’s time if we know it’ll never work…No I don’t care about what you think…Fine then. Goodbye.”

Mandy threw her phone to the other side of the room and laid down on her bed. She held the disk as she curled up into a ball. She squeezed herself tighter to shut out the pain coming from inside her chest.The longest relationship she had ever had was over. At least he doesn’t have to know. At least he’ll never find out. It doesn’t mean anything anymore.

Yes, I’m still around

I must apologize for the lack of posts lately. My wife just had a change in her employment situation, and that means we have the same work schedule. This has resulted in much needed time with my wife, but has meant I either had to put off blogging, reading, or writing until I could find a routine that allowed for all three. I choose to put blogging on hold.

But before I get back into my series of game theory for writers posts, I want to give a quick update again on where I am with my current WIP, Bleed Well.

I have officially put down the red pen as I have made all the major changes on my rough draft that I wanted to. Now I just have to transport those revisions to the computer. But that itself is essentially another revision, so I’m getting this novel pretty tuned up. In those revisions, I am about 60% done, and hope to have that set of revisions done by September 15th.

Once that is done I will be re-reading the whole work for continuity, send it off to the betas, and work on the query/synopsis.

I also have another WIP that I am in the draft stage with. It has not gotten the attention it craves as of late, but I’m about 25,000 words in and I really like what I have so far.

Hopefully I will find a way to finish my second post on game theory for writers by the end of this week. Until then may the words flow out of your head and onto the paper.

1A

“I was in Geno’s Bakery, picking up some rolls, when you walked in with a couple of your thugs. I’ve known you from around the neighborhood and figured what you were up to. Then I see you go into the corner market and the dry cleaners. It doesn’t take a genius.”
The man pulled the gun away from her head. “Alright. But then why come in here? Why should you give a fuck?”
“I didn’t want to just stand around and let you extort these poor people. I had to do something.”
“Admirable, but if I didn’t do it, somebody else would. You can’t stop people like me. It’s what we do.”
“So I was right? That’s what you were doing?”
“No, I was going in there to give them coupons to my bar.” He said in a sarcastic voice then resumed his normal tone. “There’s a reason I stuck a gun to your head. Do you get that?” Lizzy nodded. “So keep your trap shut or you’ll end up like Johnny Krause.”
“Didn’t he drown?”
“Sorta.”
“You killed him?”
“Yea. With my own two hands. And you’ll be next.” He walked to the corner of the room and picked up the golf club, handing it back to Lizzy. “Now get the fuck out of my office, and let me never see you in here again.”
Lizzy nodded and walked out with her head held low. As soon as she reached the street, she reached into her pocked, stopped the tape recorder, and walked towards the local police station.






Let me know what you thin, and leave a comment here

1

Lizzy tossed the club into the corner of the room and sat down. “Is this the kind of thing you protect those businesses from?”
“Don’t you be giving me any lip young lady.”
“I didn’t think I was.”
“See, that’s the problem with your generation. You’ve gotten so used to having this attitude, that when you’re around your superiors, you forget your place.”
“The problem with your generation is that you worship the divine dollar.”
The man leaned back in his chair and twirled his hand above his head, keeping the gun pointed at Lizzy. “Whatever.” He lowered his free hand and shuffled some papers on his desk. “So tell me. Where did you hear about this valuable service I’ve been offering some of our fine local businessmen?”
“Why don’t you go to hell.”
“Is it like that?”
Lizzy folder her arms across her chest. “Yea. If you think I’m going to tell you how I know, you’re out of your mind.”
“I see.” The man stood up and walked over to Lizzy, pressing the muzzle of his gun to her temple. “But since I’m an understanding kind of guy, I’ll give you a chance to try again.”

Does Lizzy:
A: Tell the man something he wants to hear
B: Tell the man off

1B

Lizzy spit on the man’s shoes. “Go to hell.”
He pulled the gun away from her head. “Don’t fuck with me.” The man struck her on the head with the butt of his gun. Lizzy fell over in her chair and grasped at her head; blood oozed between her fingers. Before she had a chance to do anything, the man pulled her back up and sat her in the chair. “Let me ask you one last time. Where did you hear about this?”
She turned to him and began laughing, even as a small stream of blood ran across the bridge of her nose. The man raised his gun up to hit her again, but as he brought it down, Lizzy ducked out of the way and jabbed him in the solar plex. He hunched over for a second and she took the opportunity to knock the gun out of his hands.
With the man grasping his stomach, she ran over to the nine iron. Her knuckles cracked and the rubber grip imprinted its pattern onto her hand. She raised it above her head and brought it down on the man’s back. He cried out in pain and brought his hand to where the club struck his back. Lizzy swung again, this time connecting with the man’s hand. She heard the bones in his fingers snap.
“You’re gonna need some protection of your own.” She hit him once more, dropped the club on the floor, and walked out of the building.




Let me know what you think, and leave a comment here

2

Lizzy took a couple steps towards the chair. She prodded at the base of the man’s desk with the club then brought it above her head and swung at him. The man was faster than the nine iron though, and fired his gun.

Unable to make contact with the man, Lizzy jerked back and felt a stinging sensation run up her left arm. Her white sleeve slowly turned red as blood soaked into the fabric. The man stood up, still pointing the gun at her. “I said, have a fucking seat.”
She staggered towards the desk, and leaned towards the man. Before he could react, Lizzy, using her right arm, struck the man’s gun and it shot across the desk and landed on the floor. They both broke towards the spot where the gun lie, Lizzy getting there just before the man.
He grabbed for Lizzy’s throat with one hand and tried to secure the gun with the other, but she bit him and managed to free the gun. She took a step back, now holding the muzzle at the man’s head. “You wanted me to have a seat? Now you’re going to get on your fucking knees.”
The man knelt down on the carpet and put his hands over his head.

Does Lizzy:

A: Let the man live and rob him
B: Execute him

2A

Lizzy went over to his desk and opened the drawer. Alone next to some extra ammunition, sat a bulging white envelope. She peeled the flap open, revealing a bundle of $100 bills. She slid the envelope into her pocket.

“I’m taking this money back to the people you extorted it from.”

The man smiled and brought his arms down. “I’ll just have to take it right back then.”
She nodded, walked over to him, and kneed the man in the chin. He fell back to the floor and rolled around on the carpet, spitting out blood. “You better hope I don’t hear of you doing anything like that.” She put her foot on the man’s face. “Because I will never forget that you shot me, and I will take my revenge on you, and you won’t like it. I don’t play fair and I don’t get even. I go ahead.”
She spit on the man and walked out, holding her arm tight to slow the bleeding.




Let me know what you think, and leave a comment here

2B

Lizzy put the gun to the back of the man’s head. “You’ve terrorized this neighborhood, ruined families, and I’m pretty sure you’ve killed a couple people. There’s nothing worth redeeming--”

“I didn’t mean to do any of that.”

She pistol whipped him. “Shut up!” Lizzy put the gun back to his head. “I don’t see any reason I should let you live. You’re scum.”

“I can change. I really can. Don’t you believe in forgiveness?”

“Other people do. I just believe in revenge.”

Lizzy pulled the trigger.

Small chunks of skull and brain covered her chest. The gun shook in her hand, still pointed where the man’s head used to be. Now he was on the floor and his head had a large hole blasted into it.

From outside the office she heard rustling and two men burst in, each with guns pointed at her. Lizzy dropped hers, but it didn’t matter. They both opened fire upon her, sprinkling bullets across her chest.




Let me know what you think, and leave a comment here

Game Theory for Writers: Part I. Go Ahead and Burn That Bridge!

I had hoped to get this out much earlier, but later is better than never.

I also am going to have to do this in a couple different series since there is SOOOOOO much I could write about and don’t want to overwhelm all at once.

Now first, why do we care about game theory (GT) in writing? Well for one it helps you get a good grasp on what people would do in various situations. For second it will allow you to identify strategies that a smart character would use to win some sort of game (by game I could mean a game of checkers, or the “game” of taking over the world. Basically game just means a situation where there is some sort of competition). So hopefully you will be able to craft out a well thought-out plot that has your evil villain choosing the wrong strategy and going down in defeat because your hero was smart and picked the right one.

If that convinced you, now we need to get you grounded in GT. Basically all you do is write down the different choices the different players could make and the outcomes of those choices. So a real simple model game would be odd/even. This would be where player 1 (Bob) holds either 1 or 2 fingers behind his back. Then player 2 (Meg) tries to guess the number. Real simple.

Now lets say that when Bob chooses a 1 and Meg chooses a 1, then Meg gets $2 and Bob gets $1. If Bob chooses 1 and Meg chooses 2, then Meg gets nothing, and Bob gets $1. Now if Bob chooses 2 and Meg chooses 1, then again Meg gets nothing and Bob gets $1. Now if they both choose 2, then Meg gets $2 and Bob gets nothing. This is shown by the following chart.

Meg/Bob	Bob (holds 1)	Bob (holds 2)
Meg (guesses 1)	2/1	0/1
Meg (guesses 2)	0/1	2/0

So you can easily see that Bob should always choose 1, since his payoff is always going be be as good or better than if he chooses 2, and Meg, knowing this should also choose 1 every time. And since neither player can do better than this, both choosing 1 is called a Nash Equilibrium. Yes that same John Nash from A Beautiful Mind.

What does this particular game tell us about writing? Not much frankly, but that is notation that you need to know before we get onto the good stuff.

So the first thing I want to show you is why a smart character will eliminate one of their options in certain situations in order to gain an advantage. Yes that’s right, you can gain an advantage if you eliminate an option. So a businessman can gain an advantage over a competitor if he shuts down a factory, or a warrior if they burn their ships. Lets see how.

Lets take a business case. Say Sony and Microsoft are both existing in the business world. Microsoft happily making software, and Sony happily making TVs. Then one day both of them get the idea to make a gaming system, but then the market research folks come in and spoil the day. They conclude that if both companies enter the market, the competition for market share will be a drain on the company and they will both make $0 in profits. If both companies give up plans to make a gaming system, they will both go back to making $2 billion in profits. But if one company retreats, while the other company goes forward; the company making the gaming system will see profits of $5 billion, and the other will suffer from embarrassment and their customers won’t want their products. They will only make $1 billion in profits.

Here is the chart:

Sony/Microsoft	Microsoft (retreat)	Microsoft (go ahead)
Sony (retreat)	2/2	1/5
Sony (go ahead)	5/1	0/0

After many intense negations, neither company is willing to let the other be the only one with a gaming system, so obviously the best solution is for both of them to retreat. But then Bill Gates out of nowhere guts his software business and declares that from this day forward, Microsoft will focus only on their gaming system. They have essentially removed the option for them to retreat, and only the second column remains. Sony now has to choose between $1 billion in profits, or $0. Unless they want to sacrifice their company too, they will retreat and Microsoft will win.

So a warrior then who burns the bridges behind them and forces themselves to fight will gain this advantage. Same with somebody playing chicken who removes their steering wheel. Same with hostage negotiations when you have a policy where you can’t negotiate. The list goes on.

The one caveat with this is that the other player must know this. If not there could be disastrous results.

Now go out there and show off how smart you can make a character look by having them eliminate the safe option and take victory!

The Difference Between Relatable and Real in Writing

Note: I’m trying something new here. I’m writing in a quasi-socratic method style. Hopefully it works, and if not…let me know.

As writers we are torn between trying to write something that brings the average reader in, while also writing something that will catch their attention and command it through the entirety of the story. Not to mention we are competing with TV, cell phones, Twitter (you can follow me as Michael_A_Tate BTW), and all other distractions with a medium that takes time, effort, and concentration. As authors we are in a tough position.

So how do we create a story that the reader can relate to but does not bore them? Simple. We take something extra-ordinary and pair it with something the reader is familiar with. For example, a hostage situation is a pretty extra-ordinary situation, and an office building is a pretty common setting. Here the reader takes the setting that you lay out and merges it with their own personal setting. Then you throw in the fireworks of a hostage situation and you have a decent story.

So there we go, we’ve got our formula right? Mmmm not quite. An example would be getting a new pet while living on an alien planet. We’ve got something extra-ordinary and relatable right? As you can imagine, this situation is not quite as appealing as the previous example. We’ve got to change our approach just a little.

Perhaps we can make the claim that setting must be relatable and the plot must be the thing that is extra-ordinary?

But by now I’m sure you’re shouting at me about how successful something like Star Wars is. Hmmm, I must have been wrong then. So let me revise. You need to have an extra-ordinary situation along with something that the reader can relate to. Does the hostage story have that? Check. Does the pet story have that? No. Does Star Wars have that? Lets see.

In Star Wars the setting is not relatable for most people. What about the plot? No. Most people are not going to be able to relate to being part of a rebel alliance aimed at destroying an empire. So perhaps we should look at character. Luke is a teenager with strict guardians. He longs for adventure and feels confident in his abilities before he’s ready. Now what kind of people generally love Star Wars? Teenagers like Luke…or something like that. I’ll give Star Wars a check.

How has our formula evolved? We realize that we need something relatable, be it characters or setting. (I’ll put my preference on characters) and we need an exciting plot.

So why is this again? Why doesn’t a story that deals with the slings and arrows of everyday life make it big (if at all)? It’s because the reader does not want to re-live what just happened to them that day. They don’t want to read 10 pages on how a character filed some papers at work, how the drive home was slow because of construction, and how long it took them to do the dishes because the dishwasher broke. I probably even bored you right there with those couple sentences so you can see what I’m talking about.

If you put those types of things in your plot (even if you have an really good one) then your plot becomes boring. So keep an eye out for those things.

I think we’ve concluded that relatable is good in a story, since it gives the reader a tie to their world; but writing something that is real and honest to everyday life is boring and makes the plot suffer.

The difference:

relatable = good for the story
real = not so good for the plot

Complex sentences–To the EXTREME

I’m currently reading Moby Dick by Herman Melville, a great peace of American literature; and I have to say that this man must have gotten paid by the semi-colon; but his pay must have also thus, as pay was sometimes done at that time from what I gather, been subtracted from each period that he used, since there seem to be sentences that go on forever.

Ok that was a little snarky nod towards Melville there, but that seems to me how a lot of people in the 19th century wrote. If you don’t believe me, I just opened up my book and found this whopper after only about a minute:

And when we consider that other theory of the natural philosophers, that all other earthly hues–every stately or lovely emblazoning–the sweet tinges of sunset skies and woods; yea, and the gilded velvets of the butterflies and the butterfly cheeks of the young girls; all these are but subtle deceits, not actually inherent in substances, but only laid on from without; so that all defied Nature absolutely paints like the harlot whose allurements cover nothing but the charnel-house within; and when we proceed further, and consider that the mystical cosmetic which produces every one of her hues, the great principle of light, for ever remains white or colorless in itself, and if operating without medium upon matter, would touch all objects, even tulips and roses, with its own blank tinge–pondering all this, the palsied universe lies before us a leper; and like willful travelers in Lapland, who refuse to wear colored and coloring glasses upon their eyes, so the wretched infidel gazes himself blind at the monumental white shroud that wraps all the prospect around him.

That is a monster of a 175 word sentence right there!

Now what can we learn from this? First we can tell by reading it that it’s hard to read. Granted the sentence is technically not a run-on, even though it violates the ’single breath rule’ that some people use to determine if a sentence is a run-on. In fact, a sentence can be infinitely long, as long as it’s punctuated properly. So it’s not a run-on, but wow is it complex and hard to read. So we don’t want to imitate this, but why study it?

Like a batter in baseball puts a weight on his bat to take practice swings before coming to the plate, learning how to write a sentence like Melville’s will make you more comfortable using more complex sentences in your writing. Again, I’m not advocating filling your work up with 100+ word sentences, but there is value in learning how to construct them.

So lets start de-constructing that sentence. First I’ll break the sentence apart into all the independent clauses.

And when we consider that other theory of the natural philosophers, that all other earthly hues–every stately or lovely emblazoning–the sweet tinges of sunset skies and woods; yea, and the gilded velvets of the butterflies and the butterfly cheeks of the young girls; all these are but subtle deceits, not actually inherent in substances, but only laid on from without;

so that all defied Nature absolutely paints like the harlot whose allurements cover nothing but the charnel-house within;

and when we proceed further, and consider that the mystical cosmetic which produces every one of her hues, the great principle of light, for ever remains white or colorless in itself, and if operating without medium upon matter, would touch all objects, even tulips and roses, with its own blank tinge–

pondering all this, the palsied universe lies before us a leper; and like willful travelers in Lapland, who refuse to wear colored and coloring glasses upon their eyes, so the wretched infidel gazes himself blind at the monumental white shroud that wraps all the prospect around him.

So as you can see there are 4 of them there. (At least that’s how I see it. I’m not a grammar junkie so it might be wrong, but that’s just how I see it.) If you read each one you will notice that it is a single complete thought. You’ll also notice that two of them end with a semi-colon, one ends with a dash, and the final one obviously ends with a period.

Why arn’t commas used? Well a comma would normally be used in a more basic complex sentence. “I went to the store, and I picked up a gallon of milk.” There are two independent clauses there: “I went to the store” and “I picked up a gallon of milk.” In that case a comma joins them well, so why did Melville use semi-colons and a dash?

He did that because the general rule of thumb is to use a semi-colon in place of a comma to join two independent clauses when commas have already been used in the independent thought. (And a dash can take the place of a semi-colon and is nothing more than a stylistic choice).

So that is an extreme example of a complex sentence, broken down into the main thoughts; and having read that, I hope that you feel confident in ratcheting up the complexity in some of the sentences in your work that feel could use it.

Hope this helps.

Also, feel free to comment if I’ve botched up any of these grammar rules. I want to make sure that this is correct as possible.

Thanks!

First update on my novel/chopping names

Right now I have two novels that I am writing. The first one, titled Bleed Well, is in the re-write/revise phase right now. The other one is in the draft stage and it is as of yet untitled. The new draft does not get a lot of attention as I find I’m really liking the revision process.

But anyways, Bleed Well has taught me a lot about revision; and the main thing I want to discuss with this post again deals with characters: specifically merging minor characters together.

Now I don’t know how many of you have read War and Peace, but for those of you who have (and even those who’ve just heard some horror stories) you know what I’m talking about when I say that too many characters can bog down a story to a crawl.

God bless you Leo Tolstoy, but in War and Peace you introduce SEVEN characters on the first page! This kind of character machine-gunning riddles the reader full of holes; and instead of flying through your book because it’s so beautifully written, they limp through, thinking of nothing but the difficulty of trying to figure out who is who; which characters matter; and why does it seem like this character has three names. Now Tolstoy could get away with this in the age that he wrote in, but not today.

So what do you do if you find yourself faced with your own War and Peace? Well if you’re written the next War and Pace by all means get it published! But for those of you who just have a novel with a cast of characters the size of the New York phone book, my answer would be to merge some of your minor characters together and eliminate many more.

What do I mean by this?

Each character has a specific purpose for being in the book. One character might be there for comedy relief, another to save the princess, and yet another to solve the riddle. Why not merge some of these responsibilities? Make the character that saves the princess funny. He can journey to the castle where she’s being kept, trying to solve the riddle. Then when he reaches her tells a funny joke and tells her of the riddle. Then have the princess solve the riddle. You’ve just taken four characters and condensed them into two.

I know I know that’s a pretty basic example, but look at your work carefully and scrutinize each character. Pretend you’re holding a delete key up to their head demanding that you tell them why they deserve to live; make them justify their existence. You’d be surprised just how many characters you can eliminate without losing anything.

Now an example pulled straight from my work would be this: I have a main character named Fredrick, who talks with his mother, gets some ‘motherly’ advice and moves on. Then another character, Susan, gives Fredrick some grief then dies. Does that already seem like too many characters? Yea I thought so too.

So here’s what I did. I did away with the main character’s mother. (Yes, you can do that. Nepotism is bad in both life and novels.) I then made Susan Fredrick’s aunt, who raised him after his mother died. So she’s kinda like a disliked but loved step-mother. Well Fredrick gets his ‘motherly’ advice from his aunt, who also gives Fredrick some grief. Susan dies and we move on with the story. (The mother did not do much of anything later on so she was just written out).

Another thing that I think every writer should be on the lookout for are naming insignificant characters. I won’t go into too much detail here, but no reader wants to read or cares about the six men sitting at the poker table in the back of the room. If they don’t directly contribute significant action to the story DON’T NAME THEM! But that does not mean name everybody who does something to affect the plot.

Even if one of those men at the poker table needs to break a beer bottle over your character’s head to move the plot forward, then are forgotten, just describe them as, “The man with the brown shirt who was playing poker in the back.” Yes it’s more words than just saying “Dave who was playing poker in the back.” but the word ‘Dave’ slows the reader down more than “The man with the brown shirt.” because the reader now has to create room in their mind for Dave, thinking they are an important character.

Now I don’t recommend that you keep referring to him as that in his scene. You can shorten it down to “the man” or something like that, but resist the temptation to name him. Yes it’s likely one of his buddies would say “Hey Dave, whatcha doin?” BUT DON’T DO IT HERE. Named characters need to be involved deeply in the story. They need to be 3D. Do you have time to develop Dave? Do you really have enough spare words to make him really come to life? I didn’t think so.

So as I’ve learned, by chopping down insignificant named characters and merging other characters together; you can really tighten up your writing and make your writing seem smoother and effortless.

As a side note, a blog that I read, Anne Mini’s Author! Author!, did a three part episode on names recently. I guess great minds think alike as I’ve had this in draft for the last couple days. But I just wanted to mention this so nobody thinks I’m stealing info (although I did read the articles and was probably influenced by them a little in my revisions.)

Character Motivation

I believe that character motivation is one of the most important elements in a story. It’s what makes the reader feel like a character is real, has feeling, and has an independent mind. Without this connection, it becomes very easy to see the strings dangling from the hands of the puppet master (the author).

What exactly does this mean? Well as a writer you have a plot in mind that you will guide your character through, and if the character is out of place, it will jump out to the reader like a flashing neon sign that the author does not know what they are doing.

For example: Say you have a Buddhist monk who has spent his entire life meditating, never killing a single thing; not even a mosquito. Then Rambo enters, trying to get away from the bad guys and asks the monk to help him out. If the monk starts fighting to help out Rambo; the reader is going to throw that book across the room. If for some reason you need the monk to start fighting you are going to need a REAL good reason to motivate this monk to forsake everything he’s ever believed in.

Pretty simple, but hopefully you get the point. Most cases it won’t be as obvious as this, and you as an author have to keep the motivations of your character in perspective, making sure that if you have them do something that they normally wouldn’t do, there needs to be a very good reason.

Another example would be a scene from the movie (I’ll try to use some literary examples in the future, but I think even in the writing community a there is a greater penetration for a lot of movies than most books.) The Shawshank Redemption, which just so happens to be based on a novella by Stephen King. So if you want, you can read a really good work by a skilled writer. But anyways, on to the example. One scene has the main character, Andy a former banker in prison for murdering his wife, on the roof of the license plate factory as part of a group of inmates chosen to do that work. At this point in the movie Andy is regularly being raped and does not really have any friends. Well he overhears one of the (notoriously violent and ruthless) guards talking about an inheritance he received, and how he’s disappointed that most of that money will be taken away by taxes. Andy approaches the guard and here is the transcript from that scene:

ANDY
Mr. Hadley. Do you trust your wife?

HADLEY (The guard with the inheritance)
That’s funny. You’re gonna look
funnier suckin’ my d*** with no
f***** teeth.

ANDY
What I mean is, do you think she’d
go behind your back? Try to
hamstring you?

HADLEY
That’s it! Step aside, Mert. This
f*****’s havin’ hisself an accident.

Hadley grabs Andy’s collar and propels him violently toward
the edge of the roof. The cons furiously keep spreading tar.

HEYWOOD (another inmate)
Oh God, he’s gonna do it, he’s
gonna throw him off the roof…

SNOOZE (One of the other guards)
Oh s***, oh f***, oh Jesus…

ANDY
Because if you do trust her, there’s
no reason in the world you can’t
keep every cent of that money.

Hadley abruptly jerks Andy to a stop right at the edge. In
fact, Andy’s past the edge, beyond his balance, shoetips
scraping the roof. The only thing between him and an ugly drop
to the concrete is Hadley’s grip on the front of his shirt.

HADLEY
You better start making sense.

Andy ends up explaining what Hadley can do and negotiates some beers for his fellow ‘coworkers’ in exchange for filling out the necessary forms. So now what can we extrapolate from this on Andy’s motivation? Well for starters most people would not have approached Hadley like Andy did, especially on a roof where ‘accidents’ could easily happen. But Andy could use two things. First he could use some favor with the guards; second he could use some favor with the other inmates.

This seems like a fine motivation for Andy; yet something seems wrong here. When Andy first walks up to Hadley, he insinuates that his wife is cheating on him. Now Andy is a pretty smart guy who would not do something like that on accident and here in-lies the problem that I have with this scene. I personally can’t find any motivation for Andy to do what he did there. If he wanted to die he could just jump off the roof; he would not insult Hadley and have him do it since Hadley hadn’t done anything to Andy. It makes no sense to me. Now granted it makes for a more dramatic scene, but when I was watching this movie it took a little of the magic out of it for me. Took away some of my suspension of belief.

To fix it so that the motivations of all characters are taken into consideration you could have Andy walk up to Hadley and just say, “I know how you can keep all of your money.” Then Hadley who is already in a rage could grab Andy by the shirt and push him over to the edge saying something like, “What are you trying to do? Get me in here wearing an number like you?” It’s not perfect but I think the scene would be a little more consistant as far as the motivation.

Anyways that’s enough for character motivation for now. My next entry will deal with some of the things I’ve learned while revising my latest novel.

Welcome to my Blog!

I’ll keep the opening post here pretty short and sweet; just explain what I hope to accomplish with this.

Frist: I want to use this as a journal, tracking my progress in sending out query letters and synopses for my first novel. I hope that this might serve as a sort of road map for other aspiring authors and help me look back on the progress that I’ve made.

Second: I will be posting tips and tricks to fiction writing, revising, and submission for publication. I’m the kind of guy who will research something about ten times as long as necessary before doing it, which means I’ve obtained a lot of knowledge on these subjects already and I want to share.

Third: I want to dissect classical (and even modern) literature and find out how great writers are able to do what they do. I want to examine these things from cover to cover—openings, endings, characterization, description, structure.

Fourth: I want to disperse some of my knowledge on the basic tools of writing: this means grammar. Its hard to write when you don’t have the proper skills to communicate, and even I am probably rusty with mine. So a refresher course for everybody would be great.

That is pretty much it. Those are my goals and by keeping this simple I think that I can remain quite focused on them and keep turning out quality content on a weekly or bi-weekly basis.

Enjoy the posts as they come in and welcome to my little corner of the web.